3 REALLY Simple Steps to Being Happier in 2010

 New Year's Resolutions.  66% of all American adults make them.  Why?  Because we have the idea that being thinner, wealthier, in a relationship or hitting a career milestone will make us feel happier.  We are partly right.  Changing bad habits into constructive habits generally makes us feel better.  Achieving a goal we set for ourselves makes us feel better.  But will we be happier then, some time in the future when we master the challenge we have set for ourselves?

That is a big question.  You could spend your whole life trying to figure out exactly how to be happier.  I have. Happiness is the ultimate endgame.  It is what we all want - quite simply - to feel better more of the time.  Not a destination.  Not a place where we can arrive.  If you're like me, you'd like to feel better, happier, more of the time starting right now - not 20 pounds from now or two promotions from now.

So why wait until you achieve your goals or resolutions?  You don't need to.  If you want to be happier this year than you were last year, think about two things - adding more joy to your current life equation and increasing your capacity for happiness in the future - sort of like flexing your "happiness" muscle.  Here's how.

Pick the low hanging fruit.  What do you know for sure that increases your feelings of well being? Whatever it is, do more of it.  Exercise, spending time with friends, a nap or a hobby.  Add more data points of positivity into your weekly schedule.  Odd as it may seem, I've found a number of clients who don't really seem to know what - specifically - they find enjoyable.  If that is you, try keeping a log over a week or so by noticing when you feel good and jotting down what is behind the good feeling.  You might be surprised at some of the simple ways to add more positivity when you really notice yourself.  I did this last summer and was surprised to notice that it didn't take fine wine, good friends and endless hours of leisure.  I noticed that getting out into the sunshine, short walks, and playing with my puppy would all amplify my feelings of well being.

Use positive language.  Energy flows where attention goes.  One of the ways we focus our attention is in the way we talk- to others and maybe more importantly to our selves in our own heads.  Practice using positive, affirmative language EVERY chance you get.  I can almost hear the moans now, "Oh no, not more of the positive thinking crap."  No.  Not more of that.  Your brain is a fabulous bio computer.  It will work very hard to prove you right no matter what input you give it.  If you look around your work environment for instance and say to yourself, "Oh what a treacherous place to work," out of all the billions of data points in your environment, your mind is going to select out the ones that will justify your statement to yourself and make you right.  On the other hand, when you speak in the positive in both your internal and external dialog, your mind will be your ally.  It will select out more of the positive data points and you will experience more positive feelings.  The best way to develop this skill is in chunks of time.  Try it for an hour, a day, at an office meeting, at the dinner table.  Just choose a chunk of time, try it and notice what works.

Indulge in dreaming.  Take the lid off your dreams.  Forget being practical and realistic and planning and knowing how.  Exercise your dreaming muscle.  Think about the ideal - the ideal job, the ideal relationship, the ideal living space without any parameters.  All you need to do is hang out with your thoughts about what is ideal.  If you need to question yourself, simply ask - "What will having that get me?"  Follow the thread.  How will this make you happier?  By pointing you in the direction of what YOU really, REALLY want.  Goals that are intrinsically motivated, that come from our deepest desires are ultimately the most satisfying.  The only way to achieve them, the first step and a big step, is figuring out what exactly they are.